Twins and Apple Strudels
by Aldrae
Summary: Three years after his escape from the hospital. Johan pays his sister a visit. Warning: Strong incestuous overtones.
1. Twins: Nina's Thoughts on her Brother

**Twins and Apple Strudels**

By Aldrae

**Summary:** Three years after his escape, Johan pays his sister a visit.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but an unfortunately vivid and slightly perverted imagination.

**Warnings:** Strong incestuous overtones. Please do not read this if you cannot take it.

**Rating:** If you are old enough to watch the anime, you are old enough to read this story.

**Authors Notes:** This story comes in three parts. I originally intended it to be a one shot, but after thinking about it, I felt a one shot would not do this story justice.

I have tried to keep the twins in character… but you are the best judge of whether they are or not. Please forgive any OOCness; Johan is an extremely difficult character to write.

The quote marked with an (*) is from the Scarlet Pimpernel. For some reason, while I watched the anime, I remembered it and thought it described Johan and Nina quite well.

All other quotes are from the Manga itself.

Hopefully, the other parts will be uploaded soon.

Reviews Help!

Enjoy :)

**Part One: Twins.**

Nina's thoughts on her brother

Nina knew that Johan loved her.

She had always known this.

She also knew that it was not a normal sort of love. It was not the sort of love an older brother was generally supposed to have for his little sister. But it was not exactly the passionate love of a man for his woman either. They were not just a brother and a sister. They were not just a man and a woman. Long ago, when they were children, they were everything to each other. They had had to be.

_"He was my little father, and, I his tiny mother._

_We loved each other so." __*_

Each was the other's parent, and the other's child. And on top of that, each had been the other's protector, confidant, and most trusted person. Johan had been her best friend. She had been his only friend. They had grown up together for the most part, eaten food from the same plate, laughed, cried, played and slept together, usually huddled as close as possible for warmth. He'd bathed and clothed her countless times when she was sick, and she had done the same for him. He had killed for her, stolen food and clothing to keep them both alive. He had taught her how to fire a gun, how to kill, in order to protect herself as they slipped past the guards at the Czechoslovakian border.

She had had no one but him; he had had no one but her.

And they were both scared, traumatized little children struggling to survive in a harsh world that neither of them fully understood. It was a world that bred monsters inside both of them.

But Johan's monster had always been stronger.

As close together as the twins were, there were parts of Johan that Nina had never truly understood. Johan was her twin, but he had grown up so much faster than she.

He had hated being helpless. To him, childhood was helplessness.

Johan had never been one to show much emotion. The only thing she knew that could hurt him enough to make him cry was when he failed, in some way, to protect her.

But she had not realized just how much he had resented his helplessness until that terrible night at the Lieberts.

She'd stared, horrified, at the crumpled corpses lying in pools of their own blood, and at her pale, slender ten year old brother, standing in the closet with a gun in his hand.

He had refused to meet her eyes.

"_Today was different. Today, a monster came"_

It was then she began to understand the darkness inside him.

Every family that took them in, that showed them love, and that cared for or protected them, merely underlined his sense of failure, of impotence, of his inability to protect that other most precious part of himself. He did not want parents or guardians. He was not really interested in anything. He had no particular goals, no particular attachments, and no particular aspirations. Murder and random destruction were merely things to pass the time, rather than ends in and of themselves. There was only one thing he had truly wanted.

Nina.

She was the only family he would ever recognize. It was absolutely unacceptable to him that anyone else would ever presume to come between the two of them, and dare to call themselves his family.

And so he'd murdered every single one who tried.

But the Lieberts were different. He had not intended to kill them… at least not when he did. If everything had gone according to his plans, Nina would never have known. He would have kept it from her just as he made sure she had never found out about the others. Franz Bonaparte had visited, and the sight of the man triggered Johan's rage. The boy could not control his hatred, his anger and his fear until it was far too late.

For the first time, Nina had seen her brother without his mask.

She saw how sad, how hurt, how twisted and sick he truly was.

He had become her enemy then, because for the first time, she could see the monster in him, the thing even he wanted her to destroy.

But she still loved him.

And he loved her. He always loved her.

Even now, he still loved her.

It showed so blatantly in the way he looked at her.

The existence of this emotion did nothing to diminish the terror she felt, because she knew, more than anyone, what a terrible thing his love was.

And he was back, looking at her with eyes that stripped and isolated her. They laid her completely bare before him. To say that his gaze made her uncomfortable was an understatement bordering on criminal.

That look was torment to every part of her. It hurt the little child in her… the part of her that was Johan's daughter, to see her beloved protector in such painful need. It hurt the mother in her to watch her child suffer while she was completely unable to help him, it made the naive little girl who looked up to her brother want to cry because she knew she was the one who hurt him. It made the woman in her cringe because he was her brother… and that level of need, sexual or not, was just… wrong.

The look filled her with guilt, and sadness, and fear and disgust.

But she could not deny that that look drew a sharp, instinctive response from the vicious predator that lived inside her. The monster that had scornfully told Dr Gillen; _"I am not Nina"_ before attempting to strangle him.

The monster she was struggling very hard to destroy.

This monster's response was shamefully, undeniably sexual.

It was something that never ceased to astound her; the fact that that all her brother had to do was look at her in this way, and regardless of whatever mental conflict she was going through, she would immediately become wet.

…like she was right now.

The most mortifying thing about it was that this reaction could only be triggered by Johan. No other man had ever caused this immediate, visceral response to his mere presence.

Even Tenma had not managed to achieve this, and he was the one she was very much in love with.

Or maybe she was just a perverted freak, getting off on her own terror.

It was, she mused, probably a good thing that Johan did not know this.

But then again, he was Johan. She doubted there was anything about her that he did not know. It was, after all, the same sickness inside them both, the same depraved, twisted, murderous insanity that fed their respective monsters.

It was safer for her to assume that he knew but had chosen not to act on that knowledge.

Johan would never touch her without her consent.

This was something to be grateful for. She knew how powerful her monster was, and how weak her defenses were against it. She knew she would fall very fast if Johan ever took it into his head to make a move.

Incest, was it?

The elements were certainly there. But that theory was far too simple, too small to cover the entire scope of what was happening between them.

It was not incest. It was something considerably worse... and infinitely more sordid.

Johan just could not separate her from himself.

"_You are me and I am you" _

It was not just about sexual desire. Johan had always looked at her in that hungry, covetous way, even when they were tiny four year olds with no concept of an adult love. And that look never changed. It remained the same when they were ragged, starving runaways, relying only on their wits and on each other to survive. It was the same even after Kinderhiem 511.

"_They are all yours too…"_

"_How are they mine?" _

"_Everything just is."_

This love of Johan's, she decided, was an odd sort of love… peculiar, difficult, incomprehensible, immense, frightening and strange; rather like the man who owned it.

And it was quite frankly terrifying to be the object of such love.

"…_I was born to smother you with flowers."_

Such dangerously blind adoration…

It was incredibly complicated, but amazingly simple at the same time.

"_Once he knows you are here, he will definitely show up… because he needs you."_

She was a complete idiot not to have remembered this, when even a murderous fanatic with a one track mind like Professor Göderich had seen it.

In the past, Johan had never stayed away from her for too long.

It was, it seemed, impossible for them to remain separated forever.

After the Red Rose Mansion, after Kinderhiem, after his murder of the Lieberts, after his first Surgery, after the years spent apart as teenagers, after the Fortners, after each killing spree was done, he always came back for her.

Anytime she found new parents, new friends, a new home, he would deliberately destroy everything, and drag her back to him.

She had put a bullet in his brain, and after he had recovered, she had screamed and fled at the sight of him, causing enough pain to wring tears from the heartless monster they both knew that he was. She had deliberately chosen to forget him, and then sought to end his life when he forced her to remember, she rejected the bloodstained throne he spent his teenage years building for her, and made it clear that she wanted his death instead. And so he had plotted the destruction of the entire village of Runenhiem in his heartbroken quest for self destruction.

And yet, here he was.

She realized it now. No matter how far or fast she fled from him, no matter where she hid herself, he would always come after her, trailing death in his wake.

She was his 'other half' when all was said and done.

And he could not live without her.

As long as he was still alive, as long as he could move or even breathe, he would always find her.

It was as simple as that.

So she realized how foolish she had been not to have understood that her brother would inevitably return.

Only fools did not learn from the past.

And absorbing herself in her new job with the firm, immersing herself in her new, boring, but blessedly safe life, she had allowed herself to believe she was free, to let her guard down, to become careless, to become a fool.

It had been three years since he had vanished, had it not? She had convinced herself that there was no reason to be afraid. He was on the run. He was no longer the nameless unacknowledged terror he had been in the past, but a notorious fugitive. He surely would not be foolish enough to return.

And the sad thing was she only realized the extent of her folly when she returned from work that Friday evening.

It was with a deep sigh of relief that she had unlocked the door and let herself into her tiny one bedroom apartment. She was exhausted, hungry, her feet were killing her and all she had wanted was a nice warm bath, some food and as much sleep as she could get.

But it was not her destiny to have those things that day.

As soon as she had walked into the apartment, she sensed him.

She froze.

And then her heart began a slow burning crawl into her throat.

She had turned, very slowly.

He was dressed in his usual way, steel grey, well cut jacket over a navy blue button down shirt. His trousers immaculately ironed, his black shoes beautifully polished, and without a speck of dust. His hair was very neatly combed, and not a single blond strand was out of place.

"Hello Anna"

His voice was very soft.

"Welcome home."

He smiled.

She promptly keeled over.

.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Well this is it for the first part.

Thank you for reading. Please review, and let me know what you think.

Criticism is welcome, as long as it is constructive.

Hopefully, the next part will be uploaded soon.


	2. Apple Strudels: The Taste of Forgiveness

**Authors Notes:** Here is the second part, as promised. Technically, this could also be seen as the end, if you will. I do have a draft for the third and final chapter, but that is optional. I think the story can be seen as fairly complete without it, so I will only post it if enough people are interested in seeing it.

**Warnings:** The same as Part One. It also has content that may be seen as either eerily waffy, borderline creepy or just plain disturbing, depending on your point of view. In my defense, all I can say is that Johan was clearly never a normal little boy.

Once again, all quotes are from the Manga.

I would really like to know what you think so please review.

Thanks for reading, and enjoy.

Part 2: Apple Strudels

The Taste of Forgiveness

As soon as Nina opened her eyes, she knew he was in the room with her.

She was lying on her queen sized bed, her fluffy white comforter tucked comfortably around her. She was no longer in her work clothes. Rather, she was wearing her favorite sleeping t-shirt. It was light blue, rather old, and slightly faded. It was a complete disgrace to the sexy female in her. She'd never want to be caught dead in it by Tenma, for example. However, it was the most comfortable thing she owned, and precisely what she would have picked to wear, given the choice.

Underneath it, she could feel the same sensible, plain cotton panties she had worn to work, and nothing else. Her matching sensible, plain cotton bra, white shirt, camisole, and stockings were nowhere to be found. She was willing to bet that they were already in the laundry basket, possibly folded in tidy little squares. The pearl grey suit she'd been wearing when she returned was hanging neatly in its usual place inside her closet.

This might have bothered her, but oddly enough, it did not. She had nothing that Johan had not seen before, in different stages of development. There were far too many more important things for her to worry about right now than how much of her naked body her brother may or may not have seen.

Nina was aware that Johan, murderous psychopath or not, was a young, physically healthy male adult, with a very strong fixation on her to boot. She knew that it was possible that whatever he had seen might even have managed to arouse him. Although this knowledge was awkward, it did not really worry her too much. She knew Johan. He would not take advantage of her. As twisted as her brother was, there were certain things he would never do. Granted, he was an expert at mental rape. When it came to psychological violation, he was second to none. But the physical act of rape was not in his nature. It involved far too much intimacy for his taste. Johan, as far as she knew, was not the sort of person who craved physical contact with others. He always kept himself detached, even from his victims. He had killed more people than she could count, but only very rarely did he ever get their blood on his hands. Guns were neat, efficient and safely distant. You only had to shove a man once to push him off a roof. Johan did not do any messy strangling or stabbing. Not when he could manipulate others into doing those things for him. She knew for a fact that he disliked being touched by strangers. He tolerated it when had to, or when acquaintances touched him, but he had never let himself close enough to be casually touched by anyone unless he had a reason for it.

Nina knew that she was the only exception to this rule. But even with her, the one person he loved above any other, Johan was strange when it came to physical expressions of love.

It was a fundamental difference between them. As a child, Nina had thrived on love. She enjoyed hugs and cuddling. It was natural for Nina to touch, to embrace, to hold and to kiss the people she loved. She had always been a very affectionate little girl, with a warm, innocent charm that most adults found adorable. It had always been very easy for her to make friends because of her open and empathetic nature. For her, loving people came effortlessly.

As a general rule, Johan the little boy did not do kisses, not even with her. He did like holding her hand, but he never permitted himself to do so unless it was absolutely necessary. He did like to hold her, but he would only do so on nights when it was freezing, and it was necessary for them to keep warm. Any time she was terrified, or had nightmares, he would kneel in front of her, and make her talk about them over and over again until the memories were purged. But there were no comforting hugs. He would never permit himself to touch her unless he had an excuse to, or she was the one who initiated it.

But on those rare occasions that he did touch her, he turned into a completely different person from his usual, cold, distant self. He became unbelievably clingy, hanging unto her with a sort of desperation that was almost frightening, and it was always extremely difficult for him to let her go.

It was probably why he tried to avoid touching her in the first place. He did not like any form of dependence, especially in himself.

His tendency to cling reached its peak after Kinderheim;

It was the first time they met after almost three years apart. The Lieberts came to the orphanage to pick her up. Johan was already with them. She was so happy to see her big brother again that, without thinking, she screamed and flung herself at him, wrapping him in the tightest hug her ten year old frame could manage.

Johan went very still.

He did not pull back, but he did not reciprocate either.

It was then she remembered his unspoken rule about physical contact, but at that point, she did not care. Daringly, she planted a soft kiss on his cheek.

Immediately, he jerked his face away.

It had hurt.

Tears sprang immediately to her eyes, but she did not say anything to him. Instead she turned her back on him and faced the Lieberts. They were standing a little behind the two children, awkwardly watching what was supposed to have been a tender reunion scene. She curtseyed graciously, like she had been taught to at the orphanage.

"My name is Anna, I am very pleased to meet you." She said politely "Thank you for adopting my brother and me."

She was too hurt and angry to immediately register the panic that showed on her brother's face when he saw her tears, nor did she see the remorseful look that crossed it afterwards. She did not notice the jealously possessive way his eyes rested on her back as she curtseyed to the Lieberts, or the way his face turned dangerously blank as he watched them fuss over her.

The Lieberts had wanted a son, not necessarily a daughter. He was the brilliant one, the natural genius, the child they had chosen. They had gone to get her only because he had insisted that he would not be separated from his sister.

But already they loved her more.

"Don't be angry with your brother." Mrs. Liebert said to her, later on. "He was probably just being shy. He is at that age where little boys are embarrassed by physical displays of affection, particularly from girls."

Johan? Shy?

What a joke.

The poor woman did not understand at all.

But Nina did, and she made up her mind that she absolutely would not forgive him, ever.

Johan could not allow this state of affairs to continue. He politely asked Mrs. Liebert for permission to use her kitchen.

"Good Heavens." She exclaimed, "What on Earth for?"

"Anna likes apple strudels" was all he said.

Then he invaded the kitchen, and started the tedious process of baking the apple strudels from scratch. His activities thoroughly alarmed Mrs Liebert until she realized that the boy knew very well what he was doing. Four hours after his invasion, when he pulled the batch of crisp, buttery, golden brown apple strudels from the oven, he'd completely won over Mrs. Liebert's homemaking heart.

But pleasing the older woman was the last thing on his mind. It was his sister's forgiveness he wanted.

She was in their new room, sitting on the edge of her tiny bed close to the window when he came in. The gold light of the bedside lamp made her hair gleam as she brushed it for bed. He hovered nervously at the door, strudels hidden behind his back.

"I suppose you want the bed by the door as usual." She said coolly, concentrating on the strokes of her brush. She heard him walk towards her, but deliberately ignored him.

"I have something for you, Little Sister" He said.

Then he placed a plate of hot, fresh apple strudels on the bed beside her.

She turned huffily, looked at the plate, and then went very still.

Her eyes widened, and then were filled with tears.

"You really made these… for me?"

And like any normal boy, Johan blushed and looked down, staring at his feet in acute embarrassment.

I am sorry I hurt you. Forgive me.

I really missed you. I did.

I love you so much, Little Sister.

He said none of these things.

He did not have to.

She understood.

She burst into a delighted gasp and dropped her brush with a clatter, immediately grabbing one.

It tasted absolutely wonderful.

It had been so long.

Of course she forgave him.

And this time, when she hugged him, eyes full of happy tears, and mouth full of apple strudel, he did not pull away.

This time, he returned her embrace willingly. This time, he was the one who surprised her, dusting swift, nervous little kisses on her forehead, her cheeks, and her soft mouth that tasted like strudels. This time, he was the one whose fingers traced the lines of her face and lingered in the strands of her hair, smiling at her in that strange, intense way that made her blush in the darkness, he was the one who kept his arm wrapped around her as they sat on her bed by the window, talking, watching the stars and eating the apple strudels she insisted on sharing. He rested his head on her shoulder and listened while she talked about life at the orphanage, the oddness of the people she had met, the friends she had made, and how mean some of the supervisors were. He did not interrupt her, did not speak except to ask an occasional, usually odd question. In retrospect, she realized that he had been trying to find out just who those supervisors were, and what exactly it was that they might have done to her. Then, however, she was too naïve to realize this, and answered his questions in her usual way, without thinking about them at all. Afterwards, he put the plate away, and they brushed their teeth together, sharing the little sink in their tiny pink, green and white themed bathroom because Johan was particular about things like oral hygiene, and only smiled when she stuck her tongue out at him for insisting.

It grew colder that night, so he lay down on his side, pulling her down to lie beside him. He tucked the blankets securely around them both, and then, under the blankets, he drew her body close to his own. As they lay facing each other, golden heads on the same pillow, his peppermint flavored breath mingling with hers; his eyes met hers and he asked, softly, whether she had forgiven him.

She frowned at him in the most severe manner she could manage.

"Of course I have forgiven you, Older Brother." She said "But you should know that it was a very mean thing to do." She looked at him curiously. "Why did you turn away?"

Johan had looked distinctly uncomfortable then, his eyes dropped from hers.

"I am sorry"

"I know that!" she replied impatiently. "But why did you do it?"

He was silent.

"Brother?"

"Go to sleep, Anna"

"No" she insisted. Her small hands gripped the soft cotton of his pajama top. "Tell me."

He looked at her then, and the hand wrapped around her trembled slightly.

"You should not kiss Monsters, Little Sister." He said, softly. "They are always hungry, always starving. They want _everything_ and can't be satisfied. Even when you love them, especially when they love you, they'll bite and bite and bite, they'll eat you if you get let yourself get too close. They will not stop until they completely consume you. It is their nature."

She stared at him in silence for a full heartbeat. And then she laughed.

"How silly you are sometimes." She said "Didn't you know? You are not a monster, you are my big brother."

Of course she did not know then that this was the boy who had instigated and presided over the destruction of Kinderhiem 511 and watched its inmates slaughter one another with dry amusement.

She had no idea that he was the one who murdered every single caregiver they'd had.

All she saw was her brother… and not the monster.

His grip on her waist tightened. His next words were very soft.

"I might still bite you, you know." He warned her "Even now, I almost want to."

"Try it. I'll bite you right back"

"Can you really bite, Little Sister?" he leaned closer. "Are your teeth sharp enough?"

She looked up at him. He was watching her, a half smile on his lips.

She wondered at the strange look in his eyes. It was almost scary.

But she was not afraid of him. He was just her big brother, being weird again.

"I'll sharpen them if I have to."

He blinked at her, looking oddly startled, then his smile widened. A soft chuckle escaped him, followed, before long, by quiet, intense laughter. He let go of her and rolled unto his back, laughing hard. She gripped his shirt harder, frowning in confusion as his body shuddered. It was a very rare thing for her brother to laugh that much, and with so little control. It scared her.

She moved closer as soon as his laughter faded, leaning over him and studying him carefully in the soft yellow light of their bedside lamp.

His face was flushed, his blue eyes shone feverishly bright as they stared up into hers.

"Older Brother?"

He reached up. His fingers brushed her cheeks and came to rest on her lips, they moved over the lower lip very gently, parting them just the slightest bit.

"These small teeth of yours" he said, "Be sure to sharpen them, Anna. You are going to need them soon enough."

He stroked her lip very gently. He seemed oddly fascinated with her mouth.

"You have to be very careful when dealing with monsters."

She frowned, gravely, down at him.

"You are acting funny" she decided "More weird than usual. They were mean to you at Kinderheim, weren't they? I heard stories. The kids in the orphanage used to talk about how the supervisors at Kinderhiem were really horrible, wicked people. They told me how they'd beat the boys up and torture them. They'd say bad stuff to them and make them do… bad things. They hurt you, didn't they?"

He did not answer.

"They hurt you… they did awful things to you." Her voice broke, her hands gripped his shirt even tighter "I am right, aren't I? What did they do?"

"It does not matter, Anna. Don't cry."

"How can you say that?" Her voice rose. "It does matter!"

He pulled her down on top of him and wrapped his arms around her.

"Shh, its okay Anna, stop crying" He whispered softly, stroking her hair. "Kinderhiem was a filthy place, filled with the nastiest sort of darkness you can imagine, but it is clean now"

He rested his chin on her head, and held her close in silence until she stopped crying.

"It is late," He observed. "You should sleep now."

"I am not sleepy" she replied promptly.

He shifted, lifted her chin up, and studied her face intently.

"You are. You eyes are heavy."

"No they are not." She insisted. "It's just because I was crying, that's all."

"They are heavy. Mine are too. Kiss me goodnight, and go to sleep."

That request surprised her, but only for a little while.

"I thought you did not like being kissed." She countered.

He smiled. His fingers under her chin shifted slightly.

"Today is different." He replied "Kiss me"

She hesitated, and frowned.

"Weren't you the one who said I should not kiss monsters?"

"The monster will not bite, I promise."

She looked at him suspiciously.

He really could not lie to her when she gave him that look."Well, maybe just a little nibble." he amended.

"You are really crazy you know."

"Of course I am. Kiss me."

She still did not move.

"Please?"

She gave a longsuffering sigh, then leaned down and kissed him on his forehead.

She ignored his vaguely disappointed look.

"Good night, Older Brother"

She turned off the bedside lamp, and settled down beside him.

He was watching her.

"What?" She asked.

He quirked his lips upwards, shook his head once, slowly.

"Well then, good night." She repeated.

He did not move.

I thought you said you were tired, she thought, irritated. Stop staring at me and go to sleep.

But he did not stop.

She squirmed uneasily and frowned.

"Why…?" She began.

He leaned forward impulsively and kissed her.

His mouth lingered on hers a little longer than usual for goodnight kisses, considerably puzzling her. His lips were parted, and she could even feel the tip of his tongue. It grazed her lip, very briefly, with a feather light touch, almost as if he was trying, tentatively, to taste the soft skin where her lips met.

It was not a grown up kiss, not exactly.

But it was not a child's kiss either.

A little monster nibble, rather than a full out monster bite.

She almost understood now. It made her feel strange and just the slightest bit uneasy.

Not scared exactly, just uneasy.

His eyes were half closed when he pulled back. It occurred to her then how long his lashes were… even longer than some of the little girls she knew. For the very first time she looked at him in terms of his physical beauty, taking in the smooth porcelain skin, the large blue eyes, the pale gold hair, and the slightly wide, subtly pink mouth. Her brother, she realized with some surprise, would make a really cute girl… definitely prettier than she was.

No wonder it had been so easy for their mother to pretend that he was a girl.

"You smell nice" he said, pushing her hair back from her face.

He was falling asleep, she realized.

"You are really pretty, did you know?"

It was not the first time he had taken a thought right out of her head and said it to her, but it still managed to surprise her.

"Thank you" she replied politely.

He could be so strange sometimes, this brother of hers.

"Kiss me on my lips next time." His voice was very soft. "… just like that."

"Eww. Weirdo."

He laughed sleepily. "Goodnight, Little Sister."

They had fallen asleep on her bed that night, facing each other, foreheads almost touching, her brother's arm wrapped securely around her.

His own bed, the one by the door, remained empty.

The next morning, however, he was back to his usual restrained, rarely affectionate self.

He never slept in her bed again, and there were no more of his strange goodnight kisses.

But she did not mind. There was a part of her that felt relieved; because there was something about the way he kissed her that vaguely disturbed her. The problem was not just the kiss. It had been, after all, little more than a child's kiss. He was still just a boy then, even if he liked to think that he was not.

The major problem was Johan himself.

There was a strange intensity about the way he held her, and the way he had looked at her after he bestowed that barely innocent kiss on her, that did not belong to a child at all. Her brother had always been that intense. He was a child who was not a child, no matter how young his body was.

It only made sense that his emotions were that way as well.

"_Why are they all mine?"_

"_Everything just is."_

And that unbalanced, dangerous little boy, who had loved her so much, was here; grown into an unbalanced, dangerous young man.

It disturbed her, that large, deep brown suit that hung beside clothes in the closet, the very masculine pair of shoes placed carefully beside her black, low heeled pumps.

Johan was back.

In her apartment… in her life

She turned her head.

He was sitting beside her on a chair by the bed. He had apparently taken his jacket off at some point, and his navy blue, button down shirt was open at the throat.

He watched her silently.

She sat up immediately, making her head spin.

"You should not do that. You need to lie flat a little longer"

She did not move. Her eyes darted about the room, resting on the bedside drawer… where she kept her handgun.

"It is beside your pillow" There was a subtle air of irony in his voice. "Don't worry, it is still fully loaded."

She looked at him without a word.

This was Johan, her brother.

He looked older. He was still a devastatingly handsome man. He would always be one. But his beauty had lost the lingering traces of adolescence he'd still had at twenty. There was no denying that he was a man now.

The last time she had seen him on his own feet was at Ruhenhiem, holding a gun to a child's head, avoiding her eyes the way he always did when he knew he had hurt or disappoint her, and saying softly, sadly "Some things cannot be taken back."

She had forgiven him. She had. But her forgiveness had come too late.

A sulking Johan was always a real pain.

Apparently, he had not believed her then. It was clear that he still did not believe her, even after Tenma had brought him back to life a second time.

Still, if he was not hoping for some form of closure, why was he here?

She picked up the gun, studied it carefully. It was still loaded, as she had left it. He had not tampered with it at all.

He always put the gun into her hands, her brother did.

He always made the ending her decision, and not his own.

It had taken her too long to realize this, and when she did, it was already too late.

Her choice had been made.

"_It will end. You will die and I will die" _

And she would have done it. She would have killed him that day, if he had not stood there, looking at her with eyes that laughed and cried at the same time. She would have killed herself, if Tenma had not come to save her.

But she _had_ chosen his death. The fact that she had failed to carry out this desire was irrelevant. She did not have to, not when Johan was there to make sure that her will to put an end to everything was done.

She thought about Johan the monster, all by himself in the 'Vampire's Mansion' in Ruhenhiem, waiting out the storm of blood he had caused. She thought about Johan her brother, alone and crying in that cold, dingy room, surrounded by Franz Bonaparte's unfinished portraits of them, pictures in which the two of them were always together, always smiling, or laughing, or playing, or holding one another; sketches of 'the perfect twins, surrounded by love.' They were innocent children in those pictures, twins who knew nothing of hatred or murder or death; pure little creatures who simply loved each other like the children they were.

Even Bonaparte had known that those pictures were a lie. But, false though they were, they had made her _see_.

"_If I had forgiven him… this would not have continued. This many people would not have died."_

It had shocked her then, the sudden knowledge that she could have stopped Ruhenhiem. That she might even have been able to restrain her brother long before that.

Once again, it was up to her to decide what role he would play in this new game, and if Ruhenhiem had taught her anything, it was that once she had decided, she could not take her decision back.

She had chosen death before, and nothing had changed. Things had only become worse.

Punishment or forgiveness, life or death...

The choice, once again, was hers.

This thing called forgiveness, what exactly was it?

She wondered, for a moment, whether she was not making a fatal mistake, whether she was right to trust the part of her that knew, without a doubt, that Johan could not hurt her… not physically, at least. He could manipulate her into hurting others, even into hurting herself. He was an expert at manipulating people after all. The last time she had pointed a gun at him she had ended up on her knees, pointing that gun at her own head.

Negative feelings, hate, rage, guilt… these were the emotions Johan knew best. These were his tools, his weapons.

She doubted he would know how to deal with her forgiveness, as badly as he seemed to want it.

Besides, hadn't she already made this choice?

At Ruhenheim, she had chosen to forgive. Could she go back on her word now?

Slowly, she turned her gun over on its hilt, and handed it to him.

"Put it away, Older Brother." she said quietly. "I do not need it"

Johan blinked, but he did not speak.

He took the gun from her, opened the drawer, and put it away.

His hand trembled, just the slightest bit. But it was enough to give her some confidence.

He was a criminal, a mass murderer.

But he was also her brother, and he desperately needed her forgiveness and her love… even if he believed that it was too late for him.

Nina had no illusions about Johan. Her forgiveness would not save him. Love would not make him better. It simply was not enough. It could not erase the past, and probably would not stop him from killing again. A monster was what it was. Cuddling and cooing might tame a hawk, but they could never turn it into a dove. She knew that there was a darkness inside herself that even love could not reach. She could only imagine what it was like for her brother, whose entire soul was consumed by that darkness.

But she would no longer be Johan's catalyst.

Or at least, she could try to be a positive one.

"You look well." She said quietly. "I am glad."

He stared at her for the longest time without speaking, and then he stood up, and moved away.

"You should eat something, I'll get dinner." He said.

But at the door he hesitated, and then looked back.

"I'll make… apple strudels for you tomorrow."

She could not help it, she smiled radiantly at him.

"I would like that very much, Older Brother."

And Johan smiled back.

It was the exact same way he had smiled at her when they were ten year olds, playing under the trees with fallen acorns.

**The End?**

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Well, that is it. I hoped you liked it. Technically, I think this is a good place to end it. If enough people are interested, there may be a third part, but it will probably be quite different from this in tone; more lighthearted and hopeful. In the third part, Johan has a little request of Nina, which she definitely has mixed feelings about. It is not really necessary to the story, and if I do decide to write it, I will be treating it as an addendum to this, rather than a missing part of it.

Let me know what you think.

And please, don't forget to review. Reviews make me very happy :)

Thanks for reading.


	3. Monsters, Rodin and Therapy

**Twins and Apple Strudels  
Addendum**

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Monster, now get those Lawyers away from me!

**Warnings**: Incest, but if you are reading this, surely you know that by now. Also, prepare yourself for attempts at fluff, waff, humor, and all that stuff that rots your brain and warms your soul.

**Rating**: Strong T, bordering on M. Mostly for an attempt at something that could be related to lime.

**Authors notes: **This is an optional part of the story. I have tried to keep Johan in character, but there may be a little OOCness, Johan is hard enough to write. Imagine what a combination of Johan and Waff would be like.

Still I enjoyed the challenge. Tell me if you think I was able to pull it off. If I was not, tell me… nicely.

As always, I live to improve!

Enjoy!

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Part 3

Starting Anew

Or Monsters and Rodin

"You have a lovely apartment, Anna"

He was standing in front of the faux fireplace, hands clasped behind his back, studying her figurine collection while she sat at her computer, checking her personal mail.

She had started a collection of copies of Rodin's sculpture. So far she had The Thinker, The Kiss, and Eternal Idol.

One for each year of peace she had enjoyed so far.

She doubted she would be getting Eternal Springtime this year.

"But my place in Munich is much better. Move in with me."

Johan was unbelievable sometimes.

He had taken over her whole weekend, causing her to rearrange her entire schedule. She'd even had to cancel her plans for dinner at Dr Reichwien's, and she had been looking forward to that. Of course the doctor had no idea why she had canceled. He had jumped to the conclusion that she was finally seeing someone, and she did not bother to correct him. He probably would have had a heart attack if he knew the truth. It certainly was a good thing Dieter was away in school, the boy would probably have insisted on coming over to meet her new 'boyfriend', and that would have caused more problems than she was prepared to deal with.

Johan was still the same older brother she remembered, thoughtful, well mannered and even sweet… in his obscure, slightly eerie way. He helped in the kitchen and kept things as tidy as she did. He spoke little, as usual, but he liked to listen to her talk as they worked together. Having him around was familiar, and oddly comfortable. It reminded her of how things had been when they were children, before everything had changed.

But his presence had distinct disadvantages.

For one thing, he refused to stay in the house like a good little fugitive should. He insisted on taking her out. That was bad enough. To make matters worse, he did not go dressed as himself, or even as remotely male. Instead he borrowed her lip gloss, donned a wig, heels, and a dress that managed to be both classy and sexy at the same time, and designated himself her visiting sister. He took one look at her simple jeans and t-shirt, smiled tolerantly, and then raided her closet in search of something better. Eventually, he had her exchange her comfortable jeans for a slender, knee length black skirt, her t-shirt for a sleeveless, formfitting blouse with a plunging neckline, and her loafers for a pair of black high heels. She looked in the mirror and could not believe what she saw. He took her to see a movie, then to a restaurant, and, to her utter mortification, a lounge. She lost count of the number of men who tried to pick both of them up. Her brother watched, clearly amused by the whole thing. It had been, in its way, a very interesting outing, once she got over the creepiness of it all, but it was not an experience she wanted to repeat anytime soon. It was hard for her, most especially, to come to terms with the fact that even her brother made a sexier woman than she did, judging by the response of eligible males to his presence.

The whole thing had been disheartening enough, even before Johan's remarks.

"You are beautiful, Anna." He had said. "You have no idea how incredibly lovely you are. Of course men want you, but you do not really want them, and it shows."

Lotte had often told her the same thing, but for some reason, Johan's analysis was far more depressing.

It did not help that he sounded so incredibly _happy_ about it.

Another thing was that they were no longer children, and her apartment was small, with only one queen sized bed. She had no problem sharing the bed with Johan; they had often done so in the past. Besides, fixation or not, it was difficult to consider him a serious threat to her annoyingly ever present virtue when he looked even better than she did dressed as a woman. She knew, of course, that cross dresser or not, he was a physically healthy, sexually mature male, the same way she knew that the sun was generally hot. It was a fact she was aware of, but did not consider truly important in the scheme of things.

So it had come as a rude shock when she woke up, sometime in the small hours of the morning, to find him spooning her in his sleep, his hand tucked underneath her t-shirt, with his fingers splayed over the bare skin of her stomach. That was bad enough. She squirmed about very subtly, trying to extricate herself from his grasp without waking him. In the process, she became conscious of the presence of a very hard, disconcerting object, wedged firmly against her bottom.

And her wriggling about was not helping matters.

She went very still, and fervently hoped that that thing was not what she was beginning to suspect it was.

That hope began to fade when her brother pulled her closer, his grip on her tightening. It died a swift death when he began, sleepily, to rub against her; subconsciously searching for the friction she had unwittingly induced. It was completely buried when the hand under her shirt began to slide, slowly and deliberately running over the bare, sensitive skin of her stomach.

He sighed, murmuring something that sounded too alarmingly like 'Little Sister' for her peace of mind, and pressed a kiss on her neck.

Of course, she had known that he loved her, and that there was a physical element to his love that was utterly unconventional. But for some reason, knowing this, in a vague abstract way, had not prepared her to deal with the immediate crisis. In her eyes, her brother, for all his looks, sex appeal and charisma, had always seemed to be a purely intellectual, vaguely asexual creature.

It simply had not occurred to her that his love for her had aspects were so primal, so blatantly sexual, which was stupid of course, considering that whatever else he was, he was also a man.

Given the right stimulus, men got horny. It was a fact of life.

It was truly amazing that he'd had to start humping her in his sleep for her to figure this out. It would have been amusing if it was not so downright scary.

Scarier still was the fact that she was not as repulsed by this as she should have been.

She realized that she had to extricate herself from his sleepy grip, before things got out of hand.

Slowly, carefully, she started to move again.

Then he cupped her.

It was a very light touch, but her body's response was immediate. Her heart pounded, her entire body tingled, her nipples grew harder, a massive flood of wetness surged between her thighs.

This was very bad.

Alarmed, she swiftly extricated herself from the sleeping man's grasp, not caring whether she woke him or not, and fled the room.

It took her the best part of fifteen minutes to stop panicking and calm down enough to process what had just happened. It took even longer for her to get her speeding heart rate under control enough to think rationally about its implications. When, after thirty minutes, she realized that her body was still tingling, she knew she was in trouble.

There was no way she was going back into that bed, not while he was still in it.

5: 23 a.m. on a Sunday morning was a very good time to be awake anyway, she told herself firmly, and then headed to the kitchen to brew a pot of coffee.

There was no doubt about it in her mind. Her brother was far more trouble than she was prepared to deal with.

And yet there he was, giving her orders; commanding her to move in with him as if his short visit was not enough trouble.

Apparently, he remembered nothing of the night before, a fact for which she was profoundly grateful.

"I am happy enough here."

"Are you?"

Her eyes met his own.

She thought of her crippling work schedule, her demanding boss, her non-existent private life, the frustrating does-he -like -me- or- not- and -if -so –when-will -he –ever-make- a –move- relationship she had going with Tenma, who was hardly in town to begin with. She thought about the crushing loneliness she felt, alone in her apartment, on those rare evenings when she was not killing herself with work.

And then she thought about him, touching her in his sleep, and the scary, starving way her body responded.

"Yes" she said firmly.

He studied her silently. She refused to meet his gaze.

They both knew she was lying, but thankfully, he decided to drop the subject.

"Why Rodin?" He asked instead. "It is not really like you"

She blushed and looked away.

"Long Story"

He tilted his head slightly, still studying her.

Then he walked over, sat beside her on the sofa, and pinned her with his most intense blue stare.

"What is wrong, little sister?"

"Nothing!" She replied immediately. "I just don't like to talk about it. It is embarrassing."

It was not what he was asking about, but thankfully he played along.

"It was Lotte's idea, wasn't it?"

"You did not have to ask if you already knew." She sounded put out.

"It was a lucky guess. How is Lotte?"

"She is doing well. She got married to Karl shortly after you…well… vanished. They are expecting their second baby in about six months."

"That's a relief," said Johan.

"Relief?"

"Yes. Lotte liked you."

"Of course she did, we were best friends"

Johan looked thoroughly amused at that one, but he changed the subject.

"Tell me about your Rodin collection."

"The Kiss was the first." She said "and yes, it was Lotte's idea. She felt it projected an air of sensuality that made the entire room look more sophisticated." She smiled wryly "I guess she was only trying to help."

The truth was that Nina had negligible experience when it came to things like love and romance. So, like many other women in her position, she had turned to her more knowledgeable best friend for advice on how to move her relationship with Tenma forward.

And the little statue had been just one part of the embarrassing fiasco she had named 'Hurricane Lotte'.

Still, at that point, she had been desperate enough to try anything, and once Lotte was done with her, she was having a candlelit dinner with Tenma, dressed in a wine red, strapless dinner dress that reminded her uncomfortably of the far too revealing purple outfit she had worn while acting the part of a whore at Candy. It did not help matters that as they talked, his eyes would stray down to her cleavage, and then guilty jerk away.

Far from being enchanted by her, he seemed more uncomfortable than a cat on hot bricks, and would hardly even glance in her direction.

She did not blame him; she was barely comfortable with the situation herself.

That evening had been awkward to say the least.

And the statue had been the last straw. He had stared at it as if it was the very incarnation of the devil, and then, no other words could do justice to what happened next…

The man fled from her apartment.

Literarily.

In all the years she had known him, and this included the long months spent on the run from the authorities, she'd had no idea he could run so fast.

One would almost think that some relentless, bloodthirsty psychopath had deliberately scared him off.

It finally began to make sense.

"Johan" She said through gritted teeth.

"Yes, dear sister?"

"What did you say to Tenma?"

Her brother smiled innocently.

"You threatened him, didn't you?"

"Why would I? Our dear Doctor is a decent, reasonable man. I admire him a great deal."

Translation; Tenma was a walking bundle of guilt, and very easy to manipulate.

Nina's heart sank.

"Tell the truth, Older Brother."

"I bought him lunch, and we talked."

"And what" she asked patiently "did you talk about?"

"Nothing much, just some basic psychology"

"What?"

"I forget the details" he went on "but I am fairly certain we talked a bit about Lolita complexes."

Nina was horrified, and then deeply offended.

"I am not a child!"

"You were ten when he met you." He said irrefutably. "I believe we also talked about what would constitute inappropriate behavior on the part of the older male involved. It was nice to know he agreed with me."

Nina gritted her teeth.

So that was why he never called back.

Three whole years, and all she got were postcards, and the occasional e-mail.

"You really should think about moving to Munich with me. I am sure you will like the suite I've prepared for you."

There was absolutely no doubt about it. Nina thought. When he was not busy being a mysterious, terrifying serial killer, her brother was positively the most infuriating, stubborn and quietly overbearing creature that ever walked the planet.

She slammed the lid of her laptop shut, stood up, and advanced on him, furious.

"Johan, why do you do things like this to me?" she glared at him. "Has it ever occurred to you that I just might have my own life? That I might want a normal, stable relationship with a man like everyone else? I want a home! I want a family! It would be nice to have children of my own at some point!"

Her brother was unfazed by her outburst.

"Then why don't you have them?" He asked curiously.

"What?"

"You have had three years, Anna." He went on. "There are fourteen different men who are currently interested in you. Six of them are masquerading as your friends. Four managed to dig up the courage to ask you out, and have been turned down. One proposed to you outright… I applaud his courage. Three have been reduced to stalking you. There was even that one who was desperate enough to break into your room to steal your used underwear. Sadly, he did not live long enough to put it to any use." Johan's grin was shark like, and brief. "You say you want a relationship, a home, you want a husband and children. These men are willing to kill themselves for the opportunity to give these things to you. I have often wondered; why is it that you have not let even one of them try?"

The fact that he knew more than she did about her own private life did not surprise her anymore. She would not let it distract her.

"I do not want fourteen men, Johan." She said through clenched teeth. "I want Tenma, you know, the one you scared away three years ago!"

"Tenma is too old for you," He pointed out with infuriating calmness "That would not necessarily be a problem, but he also happens to be married to his work. You know this. You keep clinging to his image because you think it is safe. You think he is unavailable. You want him because, in that part of your mind that you hide from the world, you are absolutely convinced that you will never have him. I often thought that it was such a sad thing, little sister, that you could not see how much he loved you."

Nina went very still

"He… loved me?"

"Of course he did. Tenma wanted you. He wanted you very badly. You should have seen the way his face lit up when we talked about you. I almost felt sorry for him. But there was no way I could let my precious little sister tie herself to a man she only imagined that she was in love with. You know, you were so cruel to him, Anna, hiding behind him, using his image to shield yourself from other men like that, when even he could see that you did not really want him."

Nina hit him. Hard.

"How dare you?"

Her red handprint stood out vividly on the pale skin of his cheek.

She was so angry her whole body shook.

A part of her mind was trying to remind her, nervously, that the she had just hit a mass murderer.

She did not care.

"This is too much, Older Brother, even for you!" she raged "You cannot presume to know how I feel!"

There was a very long silence. To her surprise, he was the first to break it.

"You are right, little sister" His voice was soft. "As you say, I don't know anything about love. I only know what you have taught me." He looked straight at her. "I know that when you look at a man who loves you, he cannot look away from you. No matter how strong he thinks he is, against you, he is completely powerless. He would do anything you wanted him to no matter how much it hurt him. He would be content to die if he knew his death would make you happy."

Nina stepped back, physically shaken.

"It is a terrible thing, Anna, don't you think so?" his voice became even softer "I often thought, while I was away, about mother… and that man. I hated him, you know, almost as much as she did. I think I inherited it from her… the capacity to hate so intensely… if it is even possible to inherit such emotions. I remember how her hate actually _felt_, how deep it was. He felt it too. He knew how much she despised him. But he loved her. He could not stop loving her. He threw away his life's work, slaughtered his colleagues, his associates, and even his friends, for her sake, even though he knew that she would never love him… or even forgive what he had done to her. Pathetic, wasn't it?"

Nina was undoubtedly naïve about many things, but even she could detect hints of self mockery in his tone.

The bloodbath at Ruhenhiem, the massacre at the Red Rose Mansion…

To him, these events were parallels of each other.

"You have it too you know," He went on "that power mother had." Johan smiled "Isn't it funny how life repeats itself? Even his son is just as wretchedly in love with you"

"Mr Lipsky?"

"One of your supposed 'friends'. You lived with the man for three months. His most famous puppet is a replica of you. It baffles me that you did not notice. But that is beside the point. I may know nothing about love, but I know you. I know how effective your power is. It is bad enough when you do not encourage men. It is worse… so much worse, when you look at them with those eyes…the eyes of the true woman inside you, the one you always hide."

Johan's words frightened her. She knew where this was going, and she did not like it.

"I have seen those eyes, Anna. I know the power they have. If you really wanted Tenma, you would be with him right now. He would have felt guilty about it, of course, but his guilt would not have been strong enough to tear him away from you. You love him, no doubt, but your love is a child's love. He loved you as a man. He wanted a woman's love, not a child's adoration. You already built the barrier that kept him out. It only took a few words from me to convince him that his lust for you was perverse and unforgivable. I did not drive him away. You did."

"No…" she said. "You are wrong."

"Am I?" His gaze held her own, eyes challenging. "Tell yourself the truth, little sister. Did you ever, at any point in your relationship, really want him to touch you? Did you ever look at him and imagine what it would be like if he did? Whenever he looked at you with all his hunger in his eyes, did it arouse you? Did it make you want him inside you? Did you even notice? Or were you just desperate to do whatever it took to keep him by your side?"

This time, she was the one whose gaze fell .

Mercilessly, he waited for her answer. He watched her fists clench, watched her breath quicken as she forced back tears.

"I hate you so much sometimes" She murmured under her breath.

He did not reply immediately. She looked up. He was watching her, eyes narrowed in a way that she clearly recognized. It was the same way he had looked at her, three years ago, before he turned his back on her and walked off, leaving her on her knees, pointing her gun at her own head.

"Older Brother…"

"I understand. I cannot pretend I do not deserve it." He said, his voice soft. "Hate is natural, especially to us. I hated you myself for a very long time. " He smiled. "We met, you and I, just before Ruhenheim. I was finally with you. I could have died from that happiness. I did not realize then how far you had gone from me. You could not see what I had seen. You did not understand at all. You, even you, could only see the monster, like everyone else."

It was amazing, she thought, how casual he managed to sound, and how distant, as if he was not talking about himself at all.

Johan tended to distance himself from things that hurt him. This was why he could hurt others, and kill with absolutely no pity, no remorse. He felt none for himself to begin with.

But he could not hide his pain from her. It showed in the subconscious way his body folded slightly in on itself, the way his trembling arm was wrapped around his chest, the way his hand clutched desperately at a wound on his upper arm that was not there, cradling scars that were on her arm and not his own.

The wounds were hers, the pain was his.

This was Johan, her Brother.

He was twisted, sick, so accustomed to his own pain that he had numbed himself to it, so used to carrying her pain that he did not realize it was not his own. In his mind, the two of them were the same. She was a part of him that he could not live without.

Which was why, when she rejected him, he had made up his mind to die.

And apparently now, three years later, those wounds were still bleeding.

The tears she had been fighting back suddenly began to fall.

Her soft heart, she knew, was surely going to be the death of her.

Impulsively, she moved closer. She wrapped her arms around him.

His arms closed around her. His grip was like a vice.

His entire body was trembling.

Oddly, however, his voice remained calm. He spoke his next words very softly in her ear, making her shiver.

"You talk of hate, Little Sister; do you even know what that word means? I hated you so much that I wanted you dead. You had your gun to your head and I hoped you would pull the trigger. I would have killed you myself. I wanted to, but my hands would not move. I could not even stay to watch you. I am weak that way I suppose, but that does not change the fact that I hated you."

How odd it was, she thought at random. He sounded so detached, talked so casually about hating her, yet he held her body so tightly against his own, clutching her with all the desperation of a frantic child, shuddering with all the hunger of a famished lover.

It was almost as if he wanted, literarily, to absorb her body with his own; to swallow her whole, like the monster in the fairy tale, so that she would always be there, inside him, unable to run away or to leave.

"_You should be very careful when dealing with monsters"_

Older Brother...

"_They are always hungry, always starving. They want everything and cannot be satisfied."_

Even as a ten year old, he had warned her.

But she did not attempt to pull away. It would have been useless to. He was far stronger than she.

Besides, even if she could have, a part of her did not want to.

The monster in her that was a shameless, as wanton, as needy, as the demon that drove her brother, wanted nothing more than to be taken by him.

_Consume me, if it will quell your insanity. Eat me, if it will fill your hunger. Devour me, if it will calm your madness. Swallow me, if it will make you whole._

_munch, munch, crunch, crunch, snap, snap, gulp_

_You are me. I am you._

Terrified, she clutched at his shirt, trying not to panic, not to scream.

But she had no reason to be afraid.

The monster made no move to feast, to sate the hunger that even she could feel. His hunger raged, but he did not accept the invitation her wanton side offered to satisfy it.

Her Brother simply held her.

It was just a hug, something that both of them desperately needed.

But it _felt_ like more.

A little monster nibble, rather than a full out monster bite.

"Love means nothing." He continued quietly. "Hate means nothing. In the end, they are just emotions, hungers that can never be truly fed. They do not change facts." his hands moved over her back, pulling her, impossibly, even closer, "Without you I am not complete, this will not change, whether I hate you or not. It is the same for you, isn't it? This is why you build those barriers; you keep men away because you know they cannot complete you, the way other women just do not fit me. You say you are happy, but you know you are not. You say you want a home, a family. I am your home. I have always been, just as you have always been home for me."

This was getting dangerous. Johan was leading her unto treacherous ground, bringing up issues she was not prepared to deal with.

_Consume me, eat me, devour me; feast on me, my darling monster. Sate your hunger and satisfy mine._

"You are my brother, Johan." She said quietly, but firmly. "You cannot be more than that."

Johan went very still.

His grip about her loosened and she pulled away.

He looked away from her, bangs partially obscuring his face.

She placed her hand against his jaw, made him look at her.

"Older Brother, I love you. I will always love you. Understand this. No matter who I end up with, that will not change. But you are my brother; I cannot see you as anything more."

_Liar!_

She closed her eyes.

"You have to move on, Older Brother."

"I can't love any woman but you."

She took a deep breath, let it out. She had to calm down. She could be cool and logical about this, with a little effort. There was no way she was going to let him manipulate her. Not when she knew that, consciously or not, it was what he was trying to do.

She would not give in to her monster, could not give in to his.

"Then what are you saying, Older Brother?" She asked "What do you want from me?"

"Everything you are willing to give."

"And exactly what does 'everything' mean?"

"Whatever you decide"

There was something in his voice, an inexorable finality that made her blood run cold.

She thought of General Wolfe as he had been in his last hours. He had died a terrified old man, completely alone in his hospital room, because all the people he had loved, his friends and family, his wife and children and siblings, had been killed by her brother.

And Johan had isolated her that way before, many times. He had killed everyone around her until she had no one but him.

She was wise enough to recognize a threat when she heard one.

It was true that she had forgiven him, and that he had accepted her forgiveness. But Johan was still a very dangerous man.

In his usual way, he had placed the gun in her hands. It was up to her to decide what role he was going to play. He could be her brother, her friend, or even her lover. He would be a part of her life, or completely destroy it. There was only one thing that was certain; no matter what choice she made, Johan would not be ignored.

She thought of Dieter and Dr Reichwien, of Karl and Lotte and Dr Gillen, of the people who were her friends, her new family. Johan had vowed never to kill Tenma, but that did not mean that the others were safe.

So much for not being manipulated...

Still, she had chosen to forgive him, hadn't she?

And she did want to help him. She could not do that by running away.

Now that General Wolfe was dead, she was the one person alive who understood Johan the most. If anyone had the slightest chance of reaching him, she did.

Johan was her responsibility. But this was not just about duty.

She loved him.

It was that simple.

No matter how numerous his sins were, he was her brother. No matter how many people he killed, and how red with blood his hands were, she would not turn away from him.

She had made a promise, standing under the rain at Ruhenhiem.

"_I forgive you. Even if we were the last two people in the world, I would forgive you."_

"What do you want me to do?" she asked.

"Come to Munich with me." He said. "If you like, we could even arrange to go to France and visit mother together."

Nina wanted to help Johan, she truly did. She had forgiven him, really.

But forgiveness was one thing. Living with him was something entirely different.

_Consume me, Eat me, Devour me._

She knew her own weaknesses too well. She was no longer the oblivious child she had been.

And her brother had never been one to begin with.

But how on earth was she to explain this to him?

There had to be some other way to make the man see reason.

"Johan, why do you even have an apartment in Munich?" She asked. "Shouldn't you be trying to avoid the authorities?"

"It's a penthouse."

"That's even worse!"

He just smiled.

Nina sighed tiredly. She really had her work cut out for her.

I will be logical about this. She reminded herself.

"I can't just leave my job, Johan."

"Why not? Your boss had no objections when I spoke to him on Friday."

Nina's blood ran cold.

"You talked to my boss?"

"I like your Rodin collection. I think I will start one too, for your rooms in Munich."

"What did you tell my Boss?"

"I told him I wanted to retain the services of his firm."

"And you told him you had to have me."

"I did not. He offered you… eventually. You should check your e-mail more often"

"I just did"

"Not your personal mail, darling, your official mail."

She frowned. It was rare for her to receive official mail on weekends, unless there was some sort of emergency. She usually checked anyway, just in case. However, this weekend had been far from normal, so she had not gotten round to doing it yet.

Her heart sinking, she walked back to her chair, and powered up her laptop.

It was there, in black and white.

It was an official letter, marked urgent, informing her tersely that the services of their firm had been retained by one Erich Vogel, business man, resident in Munich. She had been permanently assigned to work with him, effective immediately. The client's secretary, Georg Huber, would be contacting her soon with her travel itinerary and accommodation details.

The question was unnecessary, but she had to ask it.

"You are Erich Vogel?"

He inclined his head courteously "At your service."

She closed her eyes, and took a deep, calming breath.

Her Brother was now, officially, her employer.

Anna was a realist. Emotions aside, she knew when she had been defeated. Johan had successfully backed her into a corner. She had no real choice but to do what he wanted. Indeed, if the circumstances were normal, she would have had no objections. He was family, he needed her, she had forgiven him, and she wanted to do what she could to help him.

But the circumstances were not normal. It was not normal for twins to feel sexually attracted to one another. It was not normal or right for her to encourage his obvious fixation. There was no way they could live together, in the same house, probably sharing the same room at night, without something regrettable happening.

She had enough regrets already.

She had to find a way to stop this. Obviously, logic was not working.

"You can't just barge into my apartment and take over my life like this!"

Johan smiled gently at her.

His smile was tranquil, and completely shameless. It was the same way he had smiled at Junkers right before putting three bullets in his brain, the same way he smiled at Karl while brazenly admitting to receiving correspondence from Red Sophie, one of the most successful … and notorious prostitutes in the country.

Nina, unfortunately, was very familiar with that smile. Its meaning was quite simple.

I want to do this, so why not?

Or more specifically; I thoroughly understand your opinion. I really do. I just don't think it counts. In fact, it amuses me.

"I know that you will need some time to think about this," he said, as if she was the one being unreasonable. "So we will not talk about it anymore for now. Though…"

He suddenly stopped, hesitating. She looked at him with some measure of astonishment. Johan never displayed any form of uncertainty, not if he could help it. Especially not when he had won so clearly …

Yet there he was, noticeably uneasy, and refusing to meet her eyes.

And wait, was he actually blushing?

"… you should probably know that you have your own suite. You will not have to share mine unless you want to."

She turned even redder than he was.

"You were awake?!"

"No!" he defended hastily, "At least, not until you pulled away. I am sorry I made you uncomfortable. I really am, but I cannot help that I dream about you."

She closed her eyes and heaved a deep sigh.

Really, this was just too much.

"It does not happen that often, I swear."

She eyed him skeptically.

"Okay, well, maybe it does. But it will not be a problem, I promise. Having you around is more important to me."

At that point, Nina made up her mind.

They were going to end up living together; she simply had no choice in the matter. But she'd be damned if she did not lay down some ground rules first.

"Pretend, for just one moment, that I said yes. What would you do, Older Brother?"

He clearly recognized her question for what it was. He would not have been Johan otherwise.

Without a word, he pulled her into his arms.

She had to struggle not to smile. This was a very serious matter.

"What if I met someone and fell in love? Would you let me go? If I had children with this man that I loved, what would you do?"

"We are the same. Your children would be mine also, I'd never hurt them." He grinned "Besides, I like children."

For some reason, coming from Johan, that just sounded wrong.

"You will not teach my children to go jumping off people's roofs, Johan."

"I will not teach our children jump off people's roofs."

"My children, Johan, mine. I will have a husband, and we will have kids, and you will be their slightly eccentric uncle. You will find some woman and produce cousins for them to play with. And you are not allowed to brainwash them, or hurt them in any way."

"I shall have to approve of your husband first."

She narrowed her eyes.

"You will not sabotage any attempts I make to meet guys"

"Only if I think they deserve you."

"And you will get yourself a girlfriend."

"Let's cross that bridge when we get there."

"I am serious"

"So am I"'

"Please stop being difficult"

"I love you."

_Sate my hunger_

"I am your sister."

"So?"

She took a deep breath and prayed for patience.

There was just no point arguing the finer points of public morality with a psychopath. It was unfortunate that her brother just had to be even more amoral than most.

It was hard enough arguing with herself.

"You have to try to stop hurting people, Johan, and in order to do this, you will agree to get some form of therapy."

"That sounds like fun"

"And you are not allowed to screw with your therapists head."

"What a demanding woman you are."

"I mean it. I will not go anywhere with you unless you seriously agree to get help. I cannot condone senseless murder. I don't care whether you are my brother or not. If you are not going to get help, then you may as well shoot me right now, because there's no way I will go to Munich with you."

She was completely serious now. Johan clearly recognized this.

He looked at her gravely.

"If I make this promise, Anna, will you promise, in return, that you will not run away from me?"

And there it was. The chance she had hoped for. Staying beside him was not too great a price to pay for this opportunity. They had survived nightmares together in the past; this was not really that different.

"I know that I am probably going to regret this decision many times over. But as long as you sincerely try your best to get better, I will not leave your side until you do."

Johan smiled. It was a genuinely happy smile. It was startling how much younger it made him look, almost like the little boy he had never been.

"But you will have to give me some time." She went on." I must say goodbye properly to all my friends, or they will worry about me."

"Come to Munich when you are ready." He said "I will be waiting for you."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

In the end, it took her three weeks to prepare.

Dr Richwien was unhappy with her decision and made no attempt to hide his worry. Karl and Lotte both concluded she was crazy, and did everything in their power to stop her. On the other hand, Dr Gillen could not hide his interest in the whole thing. To him, Johan was a very interesting subject, one that deserved to be studied at length.

"I would like to know how he progresses." He said. "If you ever need my help, let me know. I will not say anything to the police or press that you do not want me to."

Dieter turned out to be the one who understood her decision the most. He was a survivor, to a smaller extent, of the same type of nightmare Johan had faced.

"You are too soft for your own good." He informed her. "But I guess it is the only thing you can do. He can only get better if he has you."

The only person left to tell was Tenma.

The night before her flight, after all her things were packed, she sat at her computer, and composed a very short, simple e-mail;

"_…I have decided to stay with my brother now, because he needs me. Please do not worry about me. I will be fine. We will all be fine now, because of you. Thank you so much for saving his life, and for finding mother. You have given us all a chance to be a real family. I will do my best to make sure that this opportunity is not wasted._

_I love you; I think perhaps I always will. But you have your patients, who truly need you, just as my family needs me now. Let us do the best we can for them._

_I hope we will get a chance to meet again soon. There is so much I want to tell you._

_Love,_

_Nina._

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It was a cold, windy day in Munich when she arrived.

Johan was waiting for her at the airport. He stood out from the crowd, pale and starkly handsome in his black overcoat.

He held out his arms as soon as he saw her.

Willingly, she went to him.

He was warm, so very warm.

It was not mere physical warmth. Her brother, she felt, was becoming human.

"I am back." She said softly.

"Welcome home." He replied "I made apple strudels."

She laughed.

The End

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

So there it is. I hope you liked it. Please review and let me know what you think.

Does fluff really work with Johan?

Thanks for reading!


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